I am posting this from a hotel at Universal Studios, where I’ve had an awesome Fathers Day weekend. I am very lucky to be able to celebrate here and it was so much fun. I have taken a load of video footage and it will make our first You Tube video.
Apologies upfront to any people who read this who are American, this blog is largely about a person who is famous in the UK, but to the best of my knowledge has not yet “cracked” the US. So if you don’t know who this person is I have added a picture below for you to take a look of
There is a stand up comedian in the UK called Jason Manford. It is very unlikely that he would ever read this post, so I feel happy to describe him in some detail. Jason Manford is pretty funny, his stand up is good and he is rightly very popular. At a guess I would say he is mid to late 30’s, has a beard, maybe a few pounds over the “ideal” weight of a man his height. In a world of Rocks, Vin Diesels, Brad Pitts and Leonardo Di Caprios, Jason Manford is Laura’s housewives crush. This in itself is quite strange and shows the difference between men and women. I don’t know of a man who has ever been madly infatuated with a female celebrity who is funny, but average looking.
Were he not famous in the UK, he could walk down any street and not turn any heads. I don’t think even he would say he was anything other than averagely attractive. Just a normal man who tells funny stories, mainly about his family.. Writing it out like that makes me think he just got there before me..
All of that being said, Laura is absolutely infatuated by this man. Stalker level infatuation. Not a day goes past when I don’t get told what Jason Manford is doing or has done. Recently apparently, he took a job as delivery driver for a grocery store in the UK. This information is of absolutely zero interest or use to me whatsoever, yet we managed a 25 minute conversation on what a good man he was for doing a days work. The irony is not lost on me that Laura prevented me doing a days work by telling me the story.
The Masked Singer was on in the UK recently, not the (vastly superior) US version, but a version with UK celebrities. On one of the first episodes a hedgehog came out and sang Black Magic by Little Mix. Before the hedgehog opened his mouth Laura exclaimed that it was Jason Manford under the suit, because she could “smell” him. Yes, smell him, through the TV.
She qualified that a bit more by saying she knew how he walked, I’m guessing one foot in front of the other like everyone else, but apparently unbeknown to me Laura has studied the way this man walks, in an 85lb Hedgehog costume as well. We had to watch that show from start to finish every week as the hedgehog kept getting through, knocking out actual Grammy winning singers until the final when he lost to ginger one from Girls Aloud and Laura could gloat that she “called it from the start” and “when you know you know”
Little sidebar here, I have to run anything I write about Laura past her before I publish it, I read what I had so far and she stopped me several times. Firstly to tell me that he was actually 39 and secondly because Harriet was crying because she had eaten all the M&M ice creams and she couldn’t have another one. It is 9.45am. She also mentioned that she quite fancied James Corden as well, this worried me, at least Manford is funny.
I am 100% certain that if Laura had a bucket list, meeting or seeing Jason Manford would be on it, it would be the pinnacle of her life, besting our wedding day, the birth of either of our children, or any other future event. She would die happy if she ever managed to actually meet him. I on the other hand could take or leave it, it would have no effect on my life in any way.
I know seeing this celebrity would have no impact on my life with 100% certainty because it has already happened.
The last time I was back in the UK was Christmas 2018, the company I worked for are headquartered in the North West of England and every year they hold their annual awards. In 2018 it was in an old manor house in England. The sort of place that they could film Downtown Abbey at, beautiful to look at but in December so cold we could have stored all the M&M ice creams Harriet has destroyed this week without any appliances.
These particular awards were very special as they were the companies 40th anniversary. The organization’s great and good from all over the globe were there, including one of the guys who started it in his garage or something. It never ceases to amaze me the number of businesses started in peoples garages. I’ve got 4 bikes, 2 trash cans, a set of golf clubs and some boxes in mine, I couldn’t start a small fire let alone Microsoft.
We were all sitting there awkwardly separated from anyone we knew or worked with, fortunately I landed a table with 80% British lads and it was a free bar, so we just smashed through shots while the boring speeches about what a rags to riches story the company was went on and on. Then at some point during the seventeenth retelling of how we “lead the way in Oil and Gas staffing” and my 7th Jaegerbomb some music played and lights flashed.
Out strolls this roughly 6 foot tall, bearded, heavy set man, dressed in a suit that makes it quite clear he isn’t as woefully underpaid as the rest of us in the room. I was pretty close to the stage, (everyone was to be honest, there were no more than 200 people there) and it became clear to me quickly through the haze of two day drinking, 3 hours sleep and my £59 Marks & Spencer Tuxedo that the man on stage was quite a bit funnier than our CEO. Something else clicked when the first 15 minutes of him speaking was just making jokes at the expense of the company.
I had missed the announcement of who was coming onstage because I was busy convincing the rest of the table that if we didn’t empty the free bar we had failed, but it was housewives favorite Jason Manford on stage. A man who has sold out Wembley Arena, A man who has multiple best selling DVD’s (do they still sell DVD’s?) is on stage no more than 20 feet from me.
I’m a thoughtful man, I thought that if I could text Laura and tell her she would be excited. I know she loves this guy, I know she would want to know that he was here, in fact I am surprised she didn’t know before me. She clearly has some sort of covert access to his diary, she knows what he does every bloody day. So I sent a text telling her and immediately she replied that she didn’t believe me. I followed it up with pictures and a video.
Instead of the delight and wonder I was expecting, I just got a barrage of abuse back. Apparently it wasn’t fair, I didn’t even like him that much, it was all my fault because I had made her give up her job and if she still worked she might have had Jason Manford present her awards. this despite the fact her previous company had about 15 employees.
The set finished, 3/4 of the room weren’t from the UK so whilst it went pretty well a lot of people didn’t quite get all of the jokes and I started to think how I hadn’t had a pay rise in 4 years, but we can pay for millionaire comedian Jason Manford to hand out some bits of glass to people for an hour. So whilst Laura thinks this guy is the greatest thing ever I have a couple of beefs with him.
Firstly, I can’t get a two seater car now because we have two kids, I am sure both were conceived after Laura watched his DVD.
Secondly, I can’t go a day without hearing about what he has done. Apparently he does a daily quiz now and we should do it.
Thirdly, my wife hates me because I accidentally saw him live
And finally I worked four years without a pay rise and all that money went on him
Still at least he isn’t James Corden. That guy really is a prick
The Shroders in Florida 